The air is cool on my skin, it has a slightly damp feel to it. my entire body is electric with feeling, my ears are tuned to sound. i keep my eyes are closed. my heart is racing as i wait, the silence is excruciating. my patience is low, yet my patience doesn’t matter….it’s more of an anxiety for the future. i stand naked in the middle of the room, my hands high above me holding on to a rope extending from a beam. They’re not tied, yet they will not let go as if they were tied. He has commanded me to hold the rope and i will hold on to it until told otherwise, my body tight and straight. my feet have long since tired of being on tip toe to reach the rope easier preferring to stretch the rest of my body instead. i hear Him walk around my right side.
i keep my eyes closed so i can attune to Him with all my other feelings to such a higher degree. my eyes no longer fixate me blocking my other senses. i can become closer to Him by reducing my sight, the sight of Him overwhelms me, draws my submission, tugs at my heart.
He walks around me running His hand along my skin. It’s not in a sensual way, but in a way of admiring a prized horse or other possession. Occasionally He cracks the single tail He carries. He doesn’t use it on me, just cracks it for effect….gaining my attention. i don’t consider it a toy but more of an extension of who and what He is. He has used it often on my body in the past and i take what He gives me with pride. The sound brings back past emotions and feelings, i shiver and drop deeper into myself, my submission. Hands pull my hair to the side, the strands soft and cool on my skin.
“you are mine.” He states blowing the words into my ear in hot breath. ” All you are is Mine, all you create is Mine. All you will be is Mine. your soul is for Me, your life is for Me, the reason for your living was to become Mine.” The words are loud and ringing in my ear, the power and force of them crashes into my mind. i feel i am shrinking into His essence. CRACK! The single tail sounds mere inches from my body. He walks around me more His hand never leaving my body. Every touch and every look is possessive, one of ownership. He stops in front of me, His body leans into mine, touching, absorbing mine. i open my eyes and look into His face. His dark eyes are intense. His face rigid in concentration. i lift my head begging for a kiss. He leans down and bites my upper lip instead. ” I OWN you!” Suddenly He is gone, walking around me again, the crack of the whip reverberates against the walls from time to time.
His words flow through me as i recall them. i process them, striving to incorporate them into my life. i struggle to put Him first, to know i am His. my submission to Him has always been my dearest wish and my hardest task. His hand runs down my spine from my neck to my butt…..CRACK. i slump slightly as my body shivers and twitches…yet only His hand has touched me in possession. The rope is rough in my hands, i have to tip toe to get a firmer hold. He takes advantage of my distraction and pinches my nipples hard. i suck my breath in and pant, my nipples are so tender and responsive. i fight to stave off the encroaching emotions, to remain in control of myself. At the same time i know to allow the tidal wave , to be washed away , to remain passive , is to find the freedom i search for with Him.
“you are Mine, every breath, every action, every reaction are Mine. Mine to use, Mine to watch, Mine to enjoy. you are Mine. all you are is Mine. you breath for Me. you live for Me.you hurt for Me.” He states behind me. The shivers flow faster and faster down my spine and then back up, colliding with each other in their mainlining. my body tingles. i want to be held by Him, my body tunes to His essence and pressence. i remain tall and stretched, holding the rough rope, my hands raw, my arms aching, my mind whirling. CRACK, CRACK…my body tenses each time for a second , then relaxes. The breeze from the single tail falling on my body. i shiver, flinching from the feelings. i want to turn, to run and hide. i hold tightly to the rope, craving His voice, His touch, Him.
“you will become what I want of you, you will behave as I wish. All you thoughts will be for Me..” He walks in a circle around me no longer touching me yet only a hair’s whisp from my body. i can feel His heat but not know His touch. i long for the touch. “My pressence will always be with you no matter where I am. your actions and deeds will always be with me in mind. you will be accountable to Me for them. you are Mine!” A hand snakes around my neck from behind me and covers my nose and mouth. i can’t breath, i want to fight but His words in my ear turn my attention. “Every breath you take is because I want you to breathe. you are Mine.I own you.” He suddenly removes His hand steps back. i breath deeply never really knowing the lack of air, only a short cessation of breathing pattern, He has changed it at His will. His will that has become my will. CRACK….i slip deeper into myself, into Him. “Miiiiiiiiiinnnne” He says deep into my soul.
“you are Mine, My property for My use. I use or abuse you at My whim. My desires are your desires. you will learn to please Me, to want to please Me. you will find ways to please Me more. I own you.” He continues to circle me, His words flow around me, entering me in every pore. He keeps repeating the words until they run together in my mind. His energy and force permeate my body. i feel Him all around me, in me. i am inside myself and find Him already there. i struggle ,fight myself. i feel His pressence around me and in me. my wall starts to crumble , each brick that falls sending shock waves through me. i am scared, my defense is starting to fall. i know He wants this, i want this. i am petrified. i hold onto the rope, the rope fibers biting into my skin. It’s a life line to Him, His command. i am unaware of the tears streaming down my face. The bricks slowly crash down, i jerk each time.
“you are Mine, I own you. I will protect you.” His body is once again leaning against mine . i feel hands on my wrists silently telling me to release the rope. The hands bring my arms to my side. He steps back and i drop to my knees before Him. It comes naturally now, a place i yearn to be at. i lean forward slightly, my hands on the ground. The tears flow off my face, my heart still hammers loudly, i am still scared. “you are Mine, I own you. I will protect you.” He says again and lays His hand on my head. Unable to speak i nod knowing i have found my path and it lays through Him.