Service in a D/s Relationship
What is service?
A simple definition of service is any act or actions that benefit your Dominant. Every thought or action can be categorized as a service or a dis-service. There are many ways to perform service just as there are many levels of protocol to perform them in. I’m not going into how you do them, that is unique to each relationship and even each situation within a relationship. I will try to define it more as a general idea.
Before I go into what service is, let me say first what it is not. Dis-service is when you do not think or act to benefit your Dominant. When you put your own thoughts and wants before them when they should be first. When you cause them to work harder due to something you do on purpose. When you cause stress and strain to their lives due to your actions. Later I will talk about intent. What I mean by dis-service is the intentional actions that result in problems for the Dominant which makes their live harder. Dis-service is intentionally going against what you know your Dominant wishes and desires of you. I also include here as a dis-service any actions that draw unwarranted attention to you from someone else. In other words, doing something to get attention.
There are two general ways to perform service. The first is mental. This is a smaller category than the other, physical, way to perform service. Actions may sometimes speak louder than words but without words, or mental ability, how do we know what actions to do sometimes? Without the mental, the physical can be severely restricted. Mental can take on many levels of service. We can talk, relay messages, communicate, ask questions, actively listen, think, research, ect.. Actively listening should never be casually dismissed, it over shadows anything else in this category. If we don’t listen, how can we give good service? We have to know what he wants and sometimes even how he wants it done. If we don’t ask questions to understand his wishes, can we perform to his requirement?
Mental can also be broken down into two categories; verbal and nonverbal. Our thoughts can be service. Think on it. LMAO! We can posture and kneel in front of our Dominant but if inside we are thinking what a buffoon they are then what we do is actually a dis-service because our intent was never there. Intent is a core motivation. If we do not have the correct intent then no matter how things work out in our actions, they don’t carry the same weight of service. No one may never know but you, but you will know. If our intent was right, then no matter what the outcome of our actions the service could be described as good.
Everything starts with a thought. We think of things to do, we react to things done. It is how we direct our thoughts and reactions that determine the type of service. We can either side with service or dis-service. It is our choice. In the beginning the choices are active, we make the choices each time. Over time these choices become automatic to the point we rarely pay them much attention. How much time is determined by ourselves.
The other major category is physical. This is a huge area which I doubt anyone can fully cover. It can be giving massages, cleaning, holding something, getting food or drinks, working, helping others, and far too many other ways to act out our service. Physical service can also be broken down into two subcategories: direct and indirect. Above I mentioned some direct physical service, we can all think of hundreds. The indirect service is doing things for other Dominants. This can be on a direct order from our Dominant or actions we take on our own. What makes you look good in the eyes of others reflects directly onto your Dominant. This is also service to them whether they give the order to serve or not.
Now I would like to give some general thoughts I have on service.
If you always try to make your Dominant proud of you, you will rarely do them a dis-service. Any action, mental or physical, no matter how small, can be seen as service, It’s a way we can show our devotion and loyalty. Service is how we help the Dominant. It’s how we act on our thoughts of the D/s lifestyle. In effect, service is the manifestation of our idea of BDSM. We turn the mental image of D/s into reality.