A Lesson in Patience
Patience…I don’t seem to have much of that. It’s important I know. I see that every day. When my son gets mad at doing his homework and explodes, if he just calmed down and tried it again he would have been finished ages ago. I want everything now. Right now I am fighting to keep my temper and patience. The overwhelming urge to get royally pissed and lose my patience is immense. Deep breaths and slowing down seem to help. personally a good cry would work wonders. So’s life.
I was given this assignment mainly because I became irate due to the computer. It frustrated me, I was hungry, my body is sore from exercises, the baby was being… well, a baby, and I had 200 e-mails to read plus the web site to work on. Okay, just excuses. Nothing should cause me to lose my temper and patience. I fear that I would become just the other sheep like subs if I don’t stay my boisterous self. But maybe the fact that they can remain calm, cool, and collected shows more strength and character than what I’ve been doing.
People that lose their patience invariably come out the loser. The rash of road rage shows this. Driving down the road they lose their temper, the patience is gone , and the only out let they think they have is in the car they drive. So seemingly normal people act like maniacs and endanger the lives of innocent people around them. I may not endanger the lives of others with my actions, but I sure don’t help either.
Might as well start fresh. Patience is being able to cope with a level head, not allowing the outside world to push you over the edge. Losing patience results in anger and the inability to think correctly. By not thinking correctly you can come to wrong conclusions and wrong ideas. I need to be able to think clearly and with a level head to function properly. By losing patience I do a dis-service to the Dom . I am not at my best and therefore I put greater stress on Him. In affect I become the opposite of my main purpose, to be an asset to Him.
No, I don’t like how this is going. I see this now as a major not fault, but .. imperfection maybe? I lose my patience at work but it doesn’t affect my job. I yell at them off frequency sometimes, but I never allow it to affect my performance and for the most part I am very patient and helpful to pilots. But in other areas of my life. I am as impatient with myself as I am with others.
How this will help me in my life to become more patient. My kids would love it. I would stop yelling at them when they didn’t do a certain task after I tell them to do it three times that is! I would be able to keep my mind toward a goal. When I lose my patience I lose sight of the goal I was working toward. I lose my track, my path. Instead of completing the task, I get mad and spend energy on acting out my aggressions instead of funneling this energy into solving what my problem is. Energy is wasted and the problem still exists. If I learn to control my mind and temper I will be able to discover the solution and finish in a much shorter time. This essay is point in fact. In the beginning I was mad. I wanted it done and forgotten. The feelings inside me prevented me from seeing what Master Don was trying to teach me. They prevented me from learning and growing because I had no patience to sit and do the task. After I consciously calmed myself, thought about the writing and just did it I see what He wants me to discover.
I must take responsibility for my emotions. I must learn to control them before I can control my body. Without some sort of inner peace, the rest will fall to pieces. And what Dom wants a sub that cannot control themselves? If I create conscious steps on controlling my impatience then eventually it will become automatic.
First I need to pause and take deep breathes. Halt the bad thoughts inside my mind and take another look at what started the problem. After re-evaluating the problem in a calm and cool manner I can then look for solutions that solve this condition without the bad emotions that anger and impatience brings. These are destructive thoughts and have no place in a good sub/slave. My value is for the most part mental. What I think and how I act out these thoughts. Bad thoughts destroy any good I might accomplish. Impatience is not all together bad but is the precursor to bad thoughts and deeds.
I say impatience is not all together bad in the fact that I want to get things done and I hate not being able to do them. Okay, everything in it’s own time. There is a fine line between eagerness to accomplish and impatience. A certain very small amount I admit, of impatience is good. But this must be controlled or it becomes all encompassing and nothing gets done. This is amazing considering that the reason for the impatience is not being able to finish a task, and that impatience delays the completion of the task more because energy is misdirected toward bad thoughts, actions, and emotions.
Impatience is a distraction to me as a sub/slave and to my Dom because He has to redirect it. It is wasted energy better spent solving the problem or condition that created these bad thoughts. I can consciously stop the impatience and convert the bad thoughts into productive energy to complete my task. Over time this conscious redirection will become automatic programming. All will benefit from me being able to control my mind, then allows which me to learn to control my body.
I cannot say I will always be able to control it, but at least I see the necessity of doing that and the positive results.
I’ll state formally the lessons I learned.
1. Patience is mandatory in a good sub/slave fro the reasons I went into above
2. I must first learn to control my mind before I will be able to control and explore my body