Kids of Kinksters

Or
We Really Can Have Normal Kids

ally sin 2004

I want to first give credit to not me, but to another person for the idea of this essay. I recently attended a class given by the son of a very prominent kinkster. I will not mention names, suffice it to say He is very well known. I was moved to write on how I feel about the issue of raising normal kids and still keeping our kink. When I went through my divorce, my ex brought the fact that I was a submissive into court as enough evidence to take the kids from me. The judge was very outraged but thankfully decided to get us to have many countless hours of home psychological evaluation before making a final decision. I am proud to say the therapist loved the kids, claimed them extremely intelligent, well behaved, and completely untouched by the kink of their mother. (My ex was my top for over 4 years before the divorce. He claimed he was forced to do it.) Now I am divorced and my kids are completely normal.

Kids are alot smarter than we think and know alot more. I have always been up front and honest with my kids. I know they have a mind and can reason with it. On the other hand I do not try to shove more into their mind than they are ready for. I have found it best to wait for my kids to ask a question. I start answering their questions as simply as I can. If it isn’t enough information, they will ask more questions until I have satisfied them.

Being honest with kids is paramount to a good relationship. If you start hiding things and lieing, they will eventually discover the truth and your relationship will be hurt, maybe irreparably. They will also see what you had been hiding and lying about as wrong, shameful. You were hiding it after all. I am not saying everything should be left wide open, slaves running around naked in chains…toys strewn about. If your kids come up with a question, answer it honestly. The lifestyle can be lived in various levels of protocol , appearing not so very different from the sterotypical 1950’s household.

Using correct terms for their age and never under estimating their intelligence is also important. For example, when explaining the birds and bees to a child you would never use the terms dad puts his whatsee in mommy’s woohoo. You said nothing. On the other hand you would never go into the chemical endorphin response created by sensual flogging. That is way over their head while the first example was way under their intelligence. Find the middle ground with words your child will understand. That usually happens when you see the confusion leave their face. Also remember to stay with the truth.

When should you talk to them? A hard question. If what you do is relaxed and normal for you, the questions will be few. It depends on how accepting you are of others how accepting they will be of you. If you judge others and find them lacking, your kids could one day do the same to you. It reminds me of my son about 5 years ago, he was about 10 then I think. I had just met a pre-surgery transgendering male to female. She was a really nice person with few friends and she came over to visit us a few times. One day my son asked if she was a boy or girl. I explained that this friend was born a male but felt deep down he was a she. That she should be respected as such and referred to as female. I also explained that she would soon undergo surgery to correct her body to become a girl. That was all I said and waited to see if more questions would ensue. My son nodded, thought a bit and then said okay, he only wanted to know if our friend should be referred to as he or she. As my son turned and went off to do whatever 10 year olds do I was very proud of the fact he didn’t bat an eye at changing genders. He accepted it because I had raised him to be as accepting as I was of others. But I waited for my son to ask the question. He did when he was ready for more information.

That brings me to another point. Keeping the lines of communication open between parents and children is so important, even more so in a kink family. My kids can ask me anything and I will answer their questions as long as it doesn’t invade my privacy or the privacy of others. They ask me question that I would never have dreamed of asking my parents. I am a very open person which allows my kids the opportunity to ask these questions and not be left on their own to allow their wild imaginations to dream up completely incorrect hypothesis.

Kids should never be exposed to what kink the parents have. It is personal and really none of their business. Kids will make the decision on their own one day to follow a kink or not. Never forget kids are alot smarter than we think they are and more resilient than we give them credit for. If you follow your heart you won’t go wrong, that and never lie. Honesty will take you many more miles than fabricating what you think they want to hear. When all they want is the truth.

Another issue is explaining that how we live our lives is not to be discussed with other kids. Raising your child to respect others and to value everyone’s privacy is a huge step in eliminating this problem. As much as I hate to add this, you have to explain that most people are not as accepting and will judge us harshly. My kids know they to tell others they risk being taken away from me. They are aware what I do is not wrong but society does not accept it. Maybe raising our kids to be accepting of others so they can raise their kids to be this way and maybe even change some people they know to change is the first step to changing our society to be less judgmental.