Finding A Dom
So many people are looking for a partner. i will talk about the sub’s side but it can be turned around for the Dom’s side. Many subs label a Dom a wannabe if They don’t fit the sub perfectly. This is completely invalid. What it amounts to is the Dom doesn’t fit THAT sub, not that He is a non-Dom. It’s like that in the vanilla world. Would you label a guy a non-male if the date doesn’t turn out well? No…more like you write it off and even think of him as a good guy but not for you. This is how we should view dating in the lifestyle. The problem comes in when the emotions and feelings invoked in the lifestyle is so much stronger than in the vanilla side.
As with any partner searching you need to write down exactly what you want. What characteristics are most important to you? Don’t forget the non-kink side, you know…vanilla? Normal life is not spent on your knees by you Dom but in daily living. Standard home life such as kids, laundry, errands, trash, and meals. Don’t stop looking until you find someone that fits your list, they are out there. When you find Him, stop! What i mean is don’t go head first and too fast. If it was meant to be, then it will be there now, tomorrow, a month from now. Take the time to build a foundation, to create a bond or trust, to form more than a passing knowledge of each other. And know more than the kink side. Find common ground in all parts of your life.
Patience is a hard commodity to find and use. If it’s right, go slow. It’s not about the end but about the journey there. Learning about each other and practicing the fine dance of give and take. And don’t be so fast to jump into a serious relationship. i know….not that easy. Find out about him more than he tells you. What i mean is talk to people he knows,(references). Look close at what is said and done. Remember that actions speak louder than words. Many people use safecalls when meeting a new Dom for the first few times. i also meet new people in very public places for the first few times. i get an inner sense of a person fairly quickly and listen to those inner voices. Sometimes i am fooled but for the most part i am on track.
Red flags come up after meeting a new person and should be closely examined. These can be things said that contradict each other, not being allowed to call his home number, being told you are his slave without you giving your submission, asking for money ( big one for me since a few years ago i fell for a Dom and before i took off the rose colored glasses he had taken me for over $14,000. Everything he had told me was a lie.) , demanding actions from you that make you uncomfortable, wanting to start a physical relationship immediately, trying to separate you from your family and friends, always telling you how wrong you are, and anything that makes you stop and hesitate. You know what is right and wrong, listen to your heart and soul.
But don’t let any of this discourage you. The one for everyone is out there, just need to find them and have patience. Be careful and take care of yourself first.