I was talking to a Master I deeply respect the other day, Lord Sensei. The topic was control and what happens when a Dom doesn’t learn it. He stated two really good ideas that I would like to quote.
“You never have the right to control someone who has not given their consent or does not understand and enjoy being controlled.”
I found these words very profound and thought pervoking. And after a bit they made perfect sense to me. How can a Master control His sub/slave if He cannot even control Himself? This is a learned behavior requiring much time and effort to master.(pun intended…hehehehehe)
Control is defined as- To have authority or dominating influence over; direct; To hold in restraint; to check. ( hmmmmm, must have had a Master in mind when they wrote that one!)
A Master must not only learn to control Himself , but also another if He takes a sub or slave. This is a daunting responsibilty that He should not take lightly, but neither should he shy away from it either for the experience can far surpass the effort necessary to make the relationship work. Control of oneself must extend further than the sub/slave. It must be expercised in everthing the Master does. How He treats others, how He reacts to new situations, and how he reacts to reoccuring situations for a few examples. A sub/slave must exercise the same if not more control over themselves.They must learn to control their bodies, their mind, and their feelings. To properly serve their Master the sub/slave must always maintain this control and be aware of themselves at all times, as well as be aware of their Master.
I don’t feel there is any true step by step instructions for gaining control over yourself. If you wish to learn it from another i would suggest a yoga or meditation instructor. This would be necessary only in extreme cases. For the majority of people I believe just becoming aware of themselves and what they are thinking before they act or react is just as effective. Before you say anything, THINK! Ask yourself why you want to say something and what is causing you to say this. Never let another provoke you to say or do anything against your wishes ( being a sub/slave doesn’t enter here since that was freely given and concentual). Take the time to diagnose the why of what you are saying or doing even if it is after the fact. This way you will learn to behave as you wish, not as others or circumstance desire you to act. It also allows a balance to your life because you are deciding what you say and do….you are in control.