Stages of Acceptance
Acceptance is a big word and a true art. There are two forms of acceptance and four stages of each. The stages are the same for both forms; acceptance of yourself and acceptance of your environment. Essentially it means to accept who you are and what is happening to you.The stages are denial,anger,frustration,and acceptance. I will go into detail on each of these levels.
Acceptance of Self
Acceptance of yourself has to be accomplished before you can accept what is happening to you. This takes a great deal of inner searching, research, and talking to many, many, many people. You have to discover what society has told you to be, what you see yourself as, and where you feel and want yourself to be. This in itself was a new concept for me. Using myself as an example: I saw society telling me to be a devoted mother,wife,and career woman; sacrificing everything and wearing myself out. I saw myself as a good mother, a terrible housewife ( despise housework!) and starting a great career. I found I wanted to be a slave to a Master in addition to my vanilla life. By accepting yourself you don’t have to lose what you already have. But you will gain inner peace and happiness along with the strength to continue life. By denying who you are will create conflict with who you inner self wants to be, thus preventing any peace and happiness.
The first step is denial. You get a glimpse of what you really are and your mind goes into shock. ” No way!”. You may spend hours telling yourself a million reasons why you could never be that person. It doesn’t work if you are completely honest with yourself. Some may be able to fool themselves into believing the lies they tell to themselves. And they may even find some happiness. I was able to be happy for over twenty years telling myself these same lies and believing society was right. But the effort to face the inner you and come to terms with that new self is worth every second! Denial may last only seconds or it could span decades depending on how stubborn you are. It ends when an inner voice quietly says ” well, just maybe I could possibly be something like that”. That’s when all hell breaks loose and the second phase starts.
Anger comes close on the heels of denial. It can overlap it or even start when denial ends. The pure rage of knowing what you may be ( remember acceptance hasn’t been achieved yet so it is only a possibility you are that “thing”). This anger can manifest itself in many forms none of which are pleasant. You could get angry with yourself, angry at others, and even angry at the world. You can take this anger out on yourself, others, or both. Some may even blame their new vision of themselves for this anger. “It’s all because I think I’m a submissive that everything is bad for me.” “I was okay before I considered myself submissive, now I’m always mad so being submissive must be bad.” They have twisted their acceptance process into their new self awareness. As with the other steps, anger must run it’s course. You may even find out who your true friends are then, they’re the ones still with you after the anger subsides.
Frustration is a difficult step. A large amount of confusion is associated with this step. Confusion combined with frustration on how to deal with this new knowledge of self creates alot of sleepless nights. The frustration is solely directed towards yourself. You have gotten over the anger, considering you may be a submissive, and have no clue how to go about getting there. It may exhibit itself as smoldering anger, outright frustration, and even given to thoughts of failure. You feel like you’re adrift in a vast sea without the damn lifeboat! And even like you’re drowning with no help of rescue. This is when talking to people is extremely important. Remember not all the people you talk to will be of help. Don’t take everything everyone says as the gospel. Take what portions, if any, a person says you feel may help you and store that knowledge away. Read, read, read, and read some more. Find out as much as you can about who and what you think you are. Only through knowledge and growth will you find and accept yourself.
The best step is final acceptance. This for me came in a millisecond. After 7 long months that is. I told myself “yes, you are a slave and that is good”. The denial, anger, and frustration are gone. Actually I felt like an empty slate which is true. It’s almost like starting over; having to learn how to act and behave. It is also the first step on your journey as a slave. You have finally found the road! But it is not a time to go running hell bent for leather ( LMAO…what a play on words!); running amok. You need to take it slow, continue to examine yourself and why you are acting one way or another way, the root of your emotions, actions, and feelings. Never stop listening and talking to others and for god’s sake don’t stop reading!
Accepting yourself, your true self, is a long and hard process. It can hurt alot and you’ll find out many things about yourself you never knew. Some people will tell you things about yourself you never knew. Try to ingest as much information you can. Don’t worry, your mind can take it now. The world will seem a much brighter and friendly place for you.
Be well on your new journey my friend.
Acceptance of Your Environment
Acceptance of your environment is different than accepting yourself. It could have it’s own area but I’m putting it here. By accepting your environment I mean by realizing what is happening to you is okay…..and you may enjoy it even though society says you shouldn’t. The steps are basically the same but are extremely short. Mainly due to the fact that the situation is real life and dealing with real life must be faster paced since it changes quickly.
Denial for an environment is a stage but some may disagree with me here. Ever tell yourself ” this couldn’t be happening to me?”. But reality has a way of making us see it really is happening, so the next step.
Anger that it is happening to you in the first place is next. To me this is a waste of energy since getting mad won’t change or help the situation. Control of yourself is all important here. Controlling your thoughts and your body is a learned behavior and art (see section on control). My advice….cool the temper and get on with the steps.
Frustration with the fact you can’t change some of your environment. Like being in labor, getting a spanking from your Master, or having a splinter. Some things are facts and can’t be changed. Take a deep breathe and go to the next step.
Final acceptance of your environment is last. When I was in labor with my second ( no drugs…not by choice mind you!) I found that by relaxing my body, accepting the pain as a contraption ripped through me, and letting it flow over me I could control myself. I had accepted the pain and thereby lessened its impact on me. By not fighting the pain, or getting mad or frustrated, it made the pain okay and bearable.
I’m probably not explaining this last kind of acceptance very well….it is on another plane of existence and thought. But by accepting what is happening to you, you don’t blow the situation out of proportion. You can deal with the environment and come out the better for experiencing it. Just think on it a while.
-ally sin 1999